happy SUPER BELATED BIRTHDAY to mr stanley yeo! :D im so sorry man. he's really a nice person. since i forgot his birthday, you know ..
&im seriously in love with S.H.E's may day! :D it's' been long since i was last so obsessed with a chinese song. i think the previous one was like, liang shan bo yu zhu li ye. that's like decades ago! it's so so so so nice! <3 <3
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just back from malacca. followed my dad to a church leaders' retreat. by the way, the definition of RETREAT is to slack, eat, sleep. so im not being a pig for doing those things.
OK! YOU PEOPLE!
and it's kind of amazing, to see that everything, every organisation needs a vision. especailly God's kingdom.
i thought alot about alot of things. i thought that i must learn to walk away from people, from the past. i've always been the last person, clinging onto a something that's over, and everyone else's moved on because it's the only nature thing to do, and then i cant accept it and break down and blame the world for changing, when changing is the only normal thing.
i guess, i've to learn that things, and people change. and there's nothing i can do about them except to accept.
people learn to adapt to loneliness as they grow up. it's what growing up is about. so now i know that what happened between us is not just because i've grown up. but you too. i've always thought that you're so strong, so secure that i neglected the twisted part of you. and im sorry, that the lack of my realisation hurt you. so much.
now i understand when you said that you've had enough. you had enough of me hurting you, did you not?
sometimes i thought that being close to someone means to throw away and let go of my pride totally. so that nothing gets in between us. but then i realise, that without pride comes no respect, which breaks down any kind of relationship. whenever i think of you, everything that you've said to hurt me comes back, that reminds me how low i was in front of you, how much i was a thrash to you, how it makes me want to throw you away and pick my pride up again.
and then you come back in my dreams. in my dream we're back in the beginning, when everything was happy and fine. when we laughed and cried together and told stupid jokes together. i wake up and they're all gone. so i close my eyes to try to piece them back. how could i wake up! how could i!
and then i understood what and why people wanted dreams to come true.
but i now wonder, maybe it's only in my dreams, they are true.
are you going to be one of the changes that i have to accpet too? i dont want you to be. i dont.
