once upon a time we walked side by side. i imagined myself a princess. with you, and you, you and you. and all of you. that dreams were alive, that every morning when i wake up i smile and jump with enthusiasm, that i rejoice for being able to make you smile. once upon a time i thought i was surrounded by angels. it was on rainbow bridges that i walked. rainbow bridges of not seven but a million beautiful colours. that across it was heaven. once upon time i was filled with passion for the people all around. enjoyed seeing them laugh, that i was able to laugh with them. that we belonged to each other. that we laugh, cry, love together. that we see life hopeful and beautiful ahead, talk about the future with stars in our eyes.
i thought life was going to be like that forever. but it did not. the harsh truth was that all good things come to an end. no matter how hard you try to hold on. no matter how you've begged the angels, they leave in the end. they tell you that only if i leave that i will remain beautiful in your memory. that i leanrt, there's no use holding on so tight to anything because in the end they slip away, all of them.
now i wish that i can sleep forever, so that in my dreams we still walked side by side. that every morning when i open my eyes i frown and close them again trying to snatch whatever little bit of memory that was only alive in my dreams now. that only through tears they seemed real again. because when i smile you dont smile back anymore. now that i walk so persistantly on the rainbow, i realise that its colours, all of them, mix together and became white. simple, boring, and depressingly white. and i turn and try to grasp what was once upon a time pretty&exciting, i realise that they're all covered in darkness. in front of me it's uncertainty of white, and behind messes of black. just that, simply that. that across it was heaven still, but the bridge too long, too endless, and im too tired to go on, that it seems never possible to cross it anymore. and now, as i withdraw myself from the world, any effort to relate to anyone makes me breathless. that i just wish to stay alone, and alone only. and i still enjoy seeing people laugh, but not with them, not among them anymore. i dont know why, but i rather my world empty of nothing, best that nothing and noone comes along crashing in. any attempt seems an invasion. makes me frustrated and raged, that i drive you away before you even explain anything.
therefore im sorry that i would not accept anyone new anymore. sorry that i do not make it a point to open up anymore. sorry that we cant be friends.
please, for your own goodness sake, just leave me to be.
