Sunday, January 28, 2007
9:25 PM
i was just bored and decided to do some research on 'phobias'. and was shocked to see the existence of so many millions and billions kinds of phobias. and also, that i have so many of them.
achluophobia- fear of darkness.
agliophobia- fear of pain. (that's why it took me so long to decide whether or not to pierce my ears >. )
asthenophobia- fear of fainting or weakness. (as i always do /: )
astrapophobia- fear of thunder and lightning.
athazagoraphobia- fear of being forgotton or ignored.
atychiphobia- fear of failure.
cacophobia- fear of ugliness. (both my own ugliness and other people's ugliness xD)
cheimatophobia- fear of cold.
cleisiophobia- fear of being locked in an enclosed place.
dystychiphobia- fear of accidents. (this is serious. when i heard about the sec4 guy who got into accident last year i was madly smsing all my sec4 male seniors to make sure they're not dead. even IMAGINED bernard lying in the hospital bed with calvin sobbing beside him >. ok luh i think too much. but i really went to the extent of thinking this much can.)
ecophobia- fear of home. (sometimes, yes. dont know if anyone can ever understand.)
entomophobia- fear of insects. (IF YOU COME TO ME WITH AN INSECT (IN ANY FORM-DEAD OR ALIVE) YOU WILL BE DEAD.)
gerascophobia- fear of growing old. (D:)
hematophobia- fear of blood. (yea i cannot be a doctor /: )
hypegiaphobia- fear of responsibility.
lockiophobia- fear of childbirth. (because my mummy says giving birth to me was very very very painful. i think i must talk to my boyfriend before we get married next time. if he insist that i must give birth to children (especially something like A FOOTBALL TEAM- like alot guys always like to say) i'll break up with him even despite the fact that we already bought a house or something. ok fine i think too much again /: )
metathesiophobia- fear of changes.
ophthalmophobia- fear of being stared at. (and therefore fear of ___ and ___ )
philophobia- fear of falling in love or being in love.
pocrescophobia- fear of gaining weight.
the list above consist of 20 of them. excluding somemore phobias that i have which dont have a specific/scientific name yet.
fear of being rejected.
fear of feeling lost.
fear of losing motivation.
fear of laziness.
fear of disappointing someone.
and the list will never end.
so i pray that one day i overcome all these fears.
even if that one day doesnt come,
someone would be around to make me more brave. that im not alone to face all of them. that you will be around to cheer me on.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
9:44 PM
once upon a time we walked side by side. i imagined myself a princess. with you, and you, you and you. and all of you. that dreams were alive, that every morning when i wake up i smile and jump with enthusiasm, that i rejoice for being able to make you smile.
once upon a time i thought i was surrounded by angels. it was on rainbow bridges that i walked. rainbow bridges of not seven but a million beautiful colours. that across it was heaven.
once upon time i was filled with passion for the people all around. enjoyed seeing them laugh, that i was able to laugh with them. that we belonged to each other. that we laugh, cry, love together. that we see life hopeful and beautiful ahead, talk about the future with stars in our eyes.
i thought life was going to be like that forever.
but it did not.
the harsh truth was that all good things come to an end. no matter how hard you try to hold on. no matter how you've begged the angels, they leave in the end. they tell you that only if i leave that i will remain beautiful in your memory.
that i leanrt, there's no use holding on so tight to anything because in the end they slip away, all of them.
now i wish that i can sleep forever, so that in my dreams we still walked side by side. that every morning when i open my eyes i frown and close them again trying to snatch whatever little bit of memory that was only alive in my dreams now. that only through tears they seemed real again. because when i smile you dont smile back anymore.
now that i walk so persistantly on the rainbow, i realise that its colours, all of them, mix together and became white. simple, boring, and depressingly white.
and i turn and try to grasp what was once upon a time pretty&exciting, i realise that they're all covered in darkness. in front of me it's uncertainty of white, and behind messes of black. just that, simply that. that across it was heaven still, but the bridge too long, too endless, and im too tired to go on, that it seems never possible to cross it anymore.
and now, as i withdraw myself from the world, any effort to relate to anyone makes me breathless. that i just wish to stay alone, and alone only. and i still enjoy seeing people laugh, but not with them, not among them anymore. i dont know why, but i rather my world empty of nothing, best that nothing and noone comes along crashing in. any attempt seems an invasion. makes me frustrated and raged, that i drive you away before you even explain anything.
therefore im sorry that i would not accept anyone new anymore. sorry that i do not make it a point to open up anymore. sorry that we cant be friends.
please, for your own goodness sake, just leave me to be.
Friday, January 26, 2007
8:40 PM
for once, i am going to blog about np.
i know im the most kaobei person in the entire squad and sorry i cant help it.
it's just me that i show everything on my face/expressions/actions/behavior.
i know whoever from np that get to read this(which is not many. only xinyue debbra and cher-e i guess) are going to shake their heads and go yahyah, you're full of excuses. but really.
im just going to clearify afew things, since im so kaobei during np and seem to be unhappy about EVERYTHING about np, let me clearify that i do not think that way.
first of all, i love my squadmates.
ok, at least MOST of them.
now i come for np for the sake of them only.
and im proud of my squadmates who can do np things very well. be it drill or campcraft or firstaid.
and respect their passion for np. because i dont have it.
maybe the reason i dont like np is that i dont like it full of rules and punishments and 'respect' for seniors whom i think deserves none. and that every relationship, every action every move is so filled with pressure. maybe it's because im too much of a 'free' person, np is not fun to me at all. and in my concept a cca should be enjoyed. and it seems so inflexible and dead. everything so unreasonable. there was no fairness. and not even the questioning of fairness allowed. im sorry but i cannot stand nor can i survive in this kind of environment.
therefore im sorry to the people whom i respect, care for, and love in np. our friendship will last forever. but im sorry that i will not, and will never plan to uphold your expectations for me to fulfill my responsibilities as a member of npcc. sorry for not having that passion. for disapointing you all. for not making it a point to change my opinions. if that offends anyone somehow, all i can say is sorry again.
to np, it's only sorry.
sec4 life is sian.
sian until i can find no topic to update you guys about.
sian until want to die.
my daily routine after school is to go home, bath, sleep, wake up eat dinner, do homework, sleep, then wake up go school again zz.
maybe i'll get depression if it goes on like this
im going to wallow in self pity now bye >.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
4:06 PM
i hate checking emails nowadays.
opened up my email just now &there were only FRIENDSTER REMINDERS and SPAMS.
7or8 of are friendster reminders saying duno who's birthday is coming.
and the last spam email's title was 'are you having safe sex' -.-
like NO im not even HAVING sex in the first place! grr!
that day mrlim made me sad by saying 'i think china would do much better without the manchus and the communists'.
sorry i didnt mean to destroy china D:
&excuse me, doesnt mean that im a quater manchu then cixi must be my great great great great grandmother or something ok. SHE IS NOT RELATED TO ME. stop it.
talking about history lessons.
msteo rocks luh she's super funny.
that day she was like,
'why we dont allow you to have BGR. look at the rv boys. do you want to have a relationship with them?!'
ROFL :D :D :D
true uh true uh. then junhao cheehao linyi&the other few were like super dudiao down there but didnt dare to say anything cos they were the MINORITY ahaha. and all the girls were cheering :D
seating arrangement going to change D:
and IM SITTING WITH LIHUI.
not going to comment anything.
this blog's not safe anymore cos that day dora was like 'some of you have blogs' and looks at me then later 'and you're showing a straight face' when i was showing a straight face -.-
and anyway if any teacher who HAPPENS to come here(by i duno how) it's quite obvious that it's me luh huh, looking at my blogskin /:
so i was saying, sitting with LIHUI.
please come and ask me personally if you want to know THE STORY(or want to listen to complaints)
well im trying to be a good student nowadays.
just got A1 for my first AMATHS TEST. it's BINOMIAL and permutation&combination lo. the SUCKY topic :D
and it's a 86 ok! :D :D :D
all the mistakes were at the binomial part though. yes bernard you must feel guilty >.
xiaoxi is a happy girl! :D except the sitting with lihui part.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
12:34 PM
there goes my precious reputation D: D: D:
this is the PRICE of watching a bloody movie(ok fine it's nice but STILL D:)
i never never never want to go back to cca again D:
but deathnote2 is nice(:
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
9:55 PM
MR LIM IS NOT TEACHING ME HISTORY ANYMORE D: D: D:
i hate 4F&4J now cos they took away my favourite teacher D:
whatever.
watched deathnote2 today(:
it's really nice luh.
alot of twists. i thought raito won la, for that moment.
but he died in the end.
some parts of the movie make me feel like, he's right in certain sense. raito i mean.
i duno leh, i mean it's right for the criminals to get punished right
as long as they're not wronged.
but the way they kill innocent people made me think so lowly of them.
it's like in the end they're still killing people for their own selfish purposes.
&this world cannot be 'ruled' by someone with that power to destroy.
it'll be, like what raito himself said, 'a god of the new world.'
now i know why human beings cannot be god no matter how sensible we are or how hard we try to reach that status.
because deep deep inside us we're still ugly and we cannot change that.
but L died in the end D: D: D:
he's so cute lor! how can he die D:
&i got a super bad gastric attack half way through the movie!
ber gave me a gigantic gastric tablet&i was stupid enough to SWALLOW IT.
ALMOST CHOKED ME TO DEATH LA CAN.
&it didnt help much either cos i swallowed it without chewing then the medicine couldnt dissolve i think /:
it was bloody pain la.
i hate stomaches!
for you: it really hurts me to see you in that much of pain&i cant do anything much for you. anything at all. i guess i've said so much that i cant think of anything else to say anymore. all i hope is that you'll walk out of this quickly, and never walk into another something like this ever again. maybe it's really time to let it go.
Monday, January 15, 2007
8:40 PM
happy birthday to uncle tanszekiat :D :D
today is a happy day(:
though i was super ulber sick in school.
so cold that i had to wear two jackets -mine&fong's.
and linjinzhu SCOLDED me for not wearing the jacket of the SCHOOL COLOUR like a zz luh how unsympathetic! /:
i was having cough&cold&fever lor D:
but whatever.
going to hc to meet choonyen/calvin/guansen was happy :D
i miss choonyen so so so much >.
and practically abandoned mrlim when the talk ended. (that's very explanatory ok!)
and we were happily talking and talking and rattling all the rubbish.
huiyi said it felt like rv lol.
then we saw weiguo anna(i only realised that i missed her so much after seeing her >.) and more 4A06 people. weiguo is qianda. wuahaha.
but calvin is MORE qianda. he totally asked us to go find him at the bball court then chased us away&said that HE WANTED TO TRAIN.
crazy guy! /:
but guansen said their matches are coming soon so /:
and guansen is the MOST qianda.
agree guansen? xD
BECAUSE HE FORGOT ABOUT MY BIRTHDAY.
that will be death penalty for you!
aye but i was brave enough to confess to him that ..
i like him! :D :D
ahahaha. you believe uh :D
i was brave enough to confess to him that me&jan shua3 him during social outing that time.
very brave lo me.
cos he told wanling that he would kill us if we were faking but still :D
that's why today is a happy day.
it's been so long since i talked to them &i miss them alot alot alot ):
TODAY IS A HAPPY DAY :D
Sunday, January 14, 2007
8:11 PM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY FONGFONG DARLING :D :D :D
today went out with fong&emi after church cos it's fong's birthday(:
she's an old woman now ahaha :D
well she's happy luh cos can go in to NC16 movies &go pooling now.
but she's still old :D
fine fine. i have no right to say other people old.
whatever >.
down with a super bad headache.
&it's super super bad.
plus cough and flu&a slight fever ):
im an unhealthy girl for now D:
TMR HISTORY TALK AT HC WITH MRLIM! :D :D :D
oh &by the way, happy birthday too to junhao and weichang(:
junhao is a stupid pig. :D
Friday, January 12, 2007
9:49 PM
just now my word verification COULDNT LOAD luh then you ask me to verify WHAT SHIT.
told you blogger is screwed.
happy belated birthday to amandakwong&hendyong! and all the other amandas and hendyongs(if there's any) who're born on the same day(s) as them :D
today i would like to say thankyou to my NGONGO because she forced me to and patrice :D for the lovely present &the time and effort they put in to search for it >.
ok luh. really a big thanks(:
i like it alot
hugs(:
and of course my FONGFONG&emi, for giving me my forth best friend of the WEEK :D
i named her ALSCO ahaha :D :D :D
thankyou!<3
today everyone suan me in class.
very bad lo they! ):
even people like YUANZHENG. whom fong said that 'he always sleeps in his own sleepy world' decided to WAKE UP and suan me then go back to sleep /:
&thanks luh huh emily lam! snatch my dear alsco with me. THEN RETURN TO ME ZZ! >.
but today is a good day cos i almost drew fong crazy with my four best friends :D
and escaped without doing homework for chinese/maths/physics :D
and pulled curtain too(:
im going to save money for a nice nice jacket for my improving-in-temperature classroom. which is like, 27degrees on the first day, 26degrees the second day, and today it's 25degrees. which is good! :D
and of course my dearest nokia7390! it'll be my fifth best friend :D
BUT.
i also happen to know stupid people like HOFONGYEE and JANICETAY and TANSZEKIAT and SEAHJUNHAO, who shouldnt be born at all in the first place can xp
ahaha :D
Thursday, January 11, 2007
5:49 PM
fuck blogger.
i just typed ONE WHOLE JUNK OF WORDS AND IT'S ALL GONE NOW.
I AM NOT GOING TO BLOG IT AGAIN BECAUSE I DONT REMEMBER WHAT I SAID ALREADY.
I HATE BLOGGER.
and i just broke my new year resolution number duno what, which says not to swear.
whatever man. im not going to keep that anyway.
so FUCK BLOGGER AGAIN.
RAH!
i miss bernard choonyen guansen calvin ):
alot alot ALOT ):
Sunday, January 07, 2007
8:24 PM
happy birthday to janice darling!(:
s.i.mcmillen, in his book none of these diseases, tells a story of a young woman who wanted to go to college, but her heart sank when she read the question on the application blank that asked, 'are you a leader?'
being both honest and conscientious, she wrote, 'no,' and returned the application, expecting the worst. to her surprise, she received this letter from the college:
'dear applicant: a study of the application forms reveals that this year our college will have 1452 new leaders. we are accepting you because we feel it is imperative that they have at least one follwer.'
this is from my church koinonia and it made me think alot.
alot of times we refuse to deny ourselves.
we're too proud to admit that we are actually not that good even if the truth is that we are not.
we are jealous of those who are better than us and we refuse to submit to them when they're above us.
we backstab them.
we try our best to find faults in them.
to show that 'see, they're not as good as me after all.'
and that's the beginning of our downfall.
i dont want to fall anymore.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
9:11 PM
happy birthday to me(:
and thanks to all those who sms-ed happy birthday to me, especially those who deliberately sent at around midnight(:
im glad that i still have friends(:
sec4 le.
feel stressed and depressed.
shall not elaborate more.
i miss choonyen ):
the birthday present from jolene simply rocks :D
thankyou girl!
i really really really love it alot :D
thanks for spending time to make that for me :D
&thankyou meixi xinyue deb sijia angle for the prettay and gigantic billabong pencilbox :D
love you guys(:
Monday, January 01, 2007
7:43 PM
my mummy is lame.
just now she sms me and say 'what do you want for your birthday?'
then i went like 'mp3! :D'
then i reached home and she tell me, 'you stay home uh we(everybody in the family except me) go and buy something.'
'can i go too?'
'no you stay at home.'
'then my dinner how?'
'alsready buy back for you le it's on the table.'
DIAO.
damn not obvious what they going to buy lo -.-
anyway :D
went countdown with jan&kiat this year at vivo.
we i wanted to see linjunjie! :D :D
but in the end there was no more tickets grr! D:
but it was fun la, just walking around in vivo and talking ALOT of rubblish :D
skiat was ESPECIALLY easily to bully yesterday for duno what reason.
i think he got new girl la hor then in very good mood.
cos when he reached vivo yesterday i was like 'aye szekiat treat me dinner!'
then guess what he said?
'OK.'
i was like TOTALLY STUN DIAO duno what to say you know. i think im too used to people suaning me la huh so when they finally talk to me properly i duno how to react >.
anyway, so he treated both me and jan dinner PLUS starbucks' cheesecake PLUS drinks after the countdown PLUS janice's skirt as her birthday present.
i told you he's easy to bully yesterday.
fong, it's truly truly a pity that u weren't there to bully him together with us :D
anyway, after the countdown(with no fireworks and no linjunjie)
me&jan went back to her house to stayover.
then i felt very bad cos fong wanted to come over but jan's mum didnt allow. cos she said too many people already no place to sleep.
then fong got no place to stayover and she went home i think ):
the funny thing was when fong told us she got nowhere to stayover kiat went 'go home luh' then fong went 'dowan la very no life' then kiat was like 'WAHLAO THEN I VERY NO LIFE LIAO LA. I DOWAN TO TALK TO YOU ALR.'
me&jan were beside him laughing like mad ROFL.
we talked till 5am this morning then went to sleep until 12 noon lol.
apparently we both ignored her alarm which was set at NINE-THIRTY AM :D
then changed and went to jan's friend's house for a new year party.
they're people whom she know in her triathlon trainings.
&they were like super funny luh :D
there's this MK guy who brought his girlfriend there so he couldnt show his 'se' usual self&jan said she didnt dare to suan him also lol.
2007!
the perfect way to start except erm,
unfinished homework? :X
