when we were out yesterday choonyen was writing her spastic resolutions for 2007 &asking us to write too lol. well as a nice junior i shall LISTEN TO HER :D :D aye choonyen this's rare ok :D
hm okla. actually i really do want to look back at 2006 &review it properly then start 2007 with a good new attitude.
2006 is a year that made me grow up. in the beginning of the year i lost 2B. stepping into a new class was never an easy task. especially when i was the only 2B in 3D, switching to an environment that's totally unfamiliar and uncomfortable, from somewhere that i can stretch my hand out and grab anyone and find him/her a good friend to a place where there's full of strangers. i took a long, long time to adapt. even till now. and it still bugs me when i see other 2B-ians adapting so well into their new classes that as if they can live as per normal even without 2B. i know it isn't healthy to think this way, but i cant help it. it's like, when i go crazy, there's noone to go crazy with me anymore. when i make a comment that everyone used to understand, noone is there to understand anymore. when i laugh, noone was laughing with me anymore. even when i kaobei teachers, noone was there to do it together with me anymore.
a few months later i lost someone very, very special. and that made me realise that nothing lasts forever and that noone would be there for you forever. that you should never depend so much on someone alone. because when he/she is gone, you'll be so badly torn that you may totally lose yourself.
a few more months later i lost social. it was like the biggest, and hardest joke life had ever played on me. at first i didnt even know how to react so i just had to laugh and joke and smile like nothing's wrong. then i became very, very depressed. i began to realise that i lost even more motivation. what was i in school for? when everyone's planning teacher's day/grad night, what was i supposed to do? when all my good friends were in sc camp laughing away, what was i doing? when 28th social goes out and have their stemboat, where was i? i didn't know. i was isolated from them eversince then. though not intentionally but it cant be helped. truths are this harsh, as always.
then it was sec4s gone, and i must learn to go on on my own. and then something more crammed up. well.
but after all these sad, sad things i learned to grow up. i learned to not shout at people the moment i feel like it. learned to not get provoked so easily and throw my temper around. learned to hide my feelings by putting on a fake but assuring smile. learned that, sometimes it's ok to be alone.
the year ahead is so uncertain and i foresee it filled with hardship&boredom. it's O'levels. it means more alone, more isolated, more sad than ever. but yea, im ready .
hai. cant stand myself being so depressed sometimes but /: now i understand why alex is forever brooding lol. well at least i know that when im brooding i have alex who's brooding even more together with me :D
anyway, resolutions for year 2007:
1. get 6 for L1R5. for both prelims and the actual thing. AND GET INTO HC ARTS. 2. finish reading the Bible(: 3. NOT TO SLEEP IN CLASS. 4. be nice to people that i hate. even if it's YANWEN. 5. stop swearing so much, even if it's blogging(ok so all the more i shouldnt swear in my blog right /:) 6. not to copy homework unless very necessary . 7. finish all homework &ON TIME. 8. not to guailan teachers. (if impossible, refer to point4) 9. save money for new phone(: 10. talk to my family more and not to get irritated with my sister so easily. 11. STOP SMSING SO MUCH. 12. be nice to bernard and try very very hard not to AP/shout at him no matter how qianda he is. (if impossible, refer to point4 again)
ok i think that's enough. im not going to write something like 'not to suan fongyee/irene' because it's not going to happen so shouldnt give them hope at all right(: well this doesnt mean bernard you can be hopeful. it's just that i resolute to be a more patient girl next year :p basically, i want to turn myself into a nerd/geek next year. so that i dunid to go make friends with them when it's near exams or when i need to copy homework or something. AND I AM SERIOUS ABOUT GETTING INTO HC ARTS.
ok xiaoxi, you're going to be a hardworking girl next year.
