sec two teambuilding was 'umm, erm, ahem' well, where's the dryrun? where's the program sheet? where's the wet weather plan? where's the dutylist? why is there only one person running the station for some? where are the in-charge when they're needed? uh, i guess, paul is right for once. in his life la huh.
28th rvsc central com. umm. nothing to say. JIAYOU PEOPLE. it's yet another year for you all! :D
things to do:
agm presents
write emcee script for np rod
pay all the 'funds' that i haven paid
do homework
iron my pathetic clothes and pack my closet :X
well that's pretty alot of things to do huh.
orh and today celebrated mom's birthday for her :D she's 43 now! shhh :D
Sunday, July 23, 2006
9:06 PM
thanks stanley and ivan :D bytheway, this is my blog so i can say about whatever i want to say. stop instructing me.
hai the making of agm presents is not smooth due to the fact that we're starting so late but hey we've alreday started okie and we're nice people unlike weichang and jingjie who _______. hai it's so poor thing to be their seniors :D anyway, we're determined to make good quality stuff (: all im going to say is that sorry guansen for being the guinea pig. sorry cant be giving too many clues :D
WEDNESDAY PIRATES OF THE CARRIBEAN!
Friday, July 21, 2006
9:12 PM
i know u are reading this and this is what i want to say. yes i have more passion for social more than anything else and that's something that np can never compare to but i've never forced anyone to love np and be passionate when im not. never. realise that i never told anyone off for not being passionate about np before not even shuran. for one thing you might be right and that is i dont have a right to because i myself am not so i'll never demand that of anyone. you said i have. prove it. when i critise something it's not about asking people to be passionate it's the kind of attitude that i dont like, and which is affecting the people whom i respect. yes i do respect those who are very enthusiastic and passionate about our cca because that's something that i lack of, and i admire them for what they have. &you're not one of them. when something that you or others do affects these people who are up there trying so hard to lead np, making it live on with pride, you demoralise them, i cannot stand it. you may not respect my opinions because i have no passion for np, but let me tell you something: at least i have a true passion in my heart and you dont. though it's not for np, it's true. true passion is unconditional and will never be affected by external factors. no matter what post i get in council, whether im an exco or not, whether mrslook suppresses me or not, whether im sacked or not, it has never changed, and it will never change. even you said that although im out of council, i'll still have those people whom i had. yes, that, im very sure. that's the whole reason for my passion for social. i declare it my social and noone ever takes it away from me. so u realise what's the difference? why is it that i like social so much more than np? what have they done? what have you? and i still say what i said before and there's it : you do not hate someone just because they dont have the same passion [if you ever call that a passion] or priorities as you. that's the most childish thing in the world. whatever it is, you're just making excuses for your disabilities to accept your failure and you have to drag someone down together with you. no doubt you're someone influencial but you've really, really lost it all. yes you're just so so disappointing that even this word is too shallow of a level to describe this feeling. and of course, you've awoken me with your words which are seemingly so true but are actually not, and that i will definately change. but no, not because of you. do you know how much of an insensitivity you've shown today. maybe i change because of that, maybe one day i will forgive, but no, i'll never forget. never. let me repeat: i dont have that passion for np, yes. but i never try to force it upon anyone.
grow up. and that's all i have to say.
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
8:02 PM
so everything that i had is gone now and you must make me so empty to begin and end with. how i wish that there wasn't even a beginnig because ending in this way is simply and too much to be accepted and believed.
well no. maybe i do love that beginning. yes i do.
today's heritage day was crazy and i spent all my money :D 4A's jelly was superb but their milk tea was like 'erm' and 4I's teaeggs are so nice! :D by the time i wanted to get my 2nd egg they're already out of stock D: 3F's balloon stall is fun cos everyone was trying very hard to hit the one with qiaowen's name :D hai what a pity that we din see who's the hero who did it in the end :P &our class also very good okie our fishing stall was so crowded that alex had to keep shouting 'is it my turn already?! faster faster!' erm, not very LOUD la huh. i think everyone did a good job la though i was practically slacking through the whole thing holding fongyee's hand walking around the school till changlok had to call us 'gay' when we're actually 'les'. tsk changlok arh ur english arh!
these days dunno why im just so easily tired it's not like i haven got enough sleep or what just so so tired for no reason.
maybe there is a reason for everything and it's just that i haven't found mine. ours.
[/edit]
this is just for you. i've always known that i haven't been a great friend and i've been just so insensitive and selfish, not supporting you when you needed me. and now i have to be away, they forced us apart, and we're all alone by each side, the line so clear; we're forced to. but i want to let you know that i've always trusted and believed in you. it was like this when they first chose the exco between us and it was u not me but i wasn't a little upset, because deep inside i know that u have all that u should and social is and will forever be strong and live on with pride. it's our social. ours. &girl, im placing this ours into ur hands. no im not gone. i'll never be. it's just a different stand now and im standing at the back instead of by the side, but i am, i am still here watching, and continue believing in you. what we're all afraid of is not that we distrust our ability, but whatever the uncertainty that's ahead. it's just like, the only reason that we're afraid of darkness is that we're afraid of the uncertainty that's possible to pop up, not the mere fact that it's dark. girl, be brave. i want you to be. they need you to be. i know it'll be hard and you're just so lost to proceed further, but it's because of you that i can trust, and that although i cant bear to, im not so worried. and no, memories will not disappear, they hide into the most precious part of this creation in us by god, it's called the heart.
i know you love. and i know that you know i love too. trust urself; trust ur love. &i'll forever be here.
Monday, July 17, 2006
8:48 PM
today is so scary! received the news that someone in sec4 got knocked down by a car at high speed and the scene was very bad cos there was alot of blood and everything then i started to luanluanxiang very worried that it's someone that i know call that stupid bernardlip and he nv pick up wah then i very scared liao called guansen he say he doesnt know [i was like thank goodness it's not him] called calvin nv pick up then i was thinking oh shit why all of then nv pick up so i started to think that he's with the injured bernard and in hospital and things liddat then after that called munkit [the mere fact that i called MUNKIT shows that i was really very very scared okie] and heard that it's not bernardlip [phew] but eddie :but luckily he never get very serious injuries thank goodness this is the first time i got so scared that i'll lose the people who are in my life aye pple please dont die okie PLEASE *touch wood touch wood-
whatthefuck so the only reason is that i drew too much attention?! what kind of fucked up reasoning is that? and you said till like you've been so noble, considering me for everything u do i feel so cheated. so, so cheated. stop all those cliche shit okie disappointed.
thank you for being here (:
Sunday, July 16, 2006
11:27 PM
sometimes ignorance is the best and easiest to deal with if anyone were to ask me now i'll say that i'll never want to let you know. but the fact is that i do. even it's being selfish.
if you are given a choice would u want to know? even if u know that after knowing all you'll face is pain and more pain. i think most pple will still choose to know curiosity is not good all the time even if everyone knows that the only reason that we can live on happily with a smile is that we're ignorant we dont care.
and i realise that u've known so much before i even noticed so much.
it might be pushing u down the deepest valley because noone can promise a thing not even to keep us as how we are now do you really? i hope. &that's all i can do now.
12:33 AM
so im sitting here for the one millionth time writing and hoping that i dont need to. but that will not happen. i dont break down in front of you. i cant afford to. i realise that im counting down to that day, when i'll leave, have to leave. and i just want to treasure every moment i have with you guys. every moment. i want it filled with laughter, fun, all the good memories, all that which can make up for that one whole year that i'll be missing. i cant imagine that social com which exists, and lives together happily ever after, without me. i just cant. i cant even face that uncertainty ahead, so dark and deep. but i do want you guys to be happy, to feel that bond that i feel, to love like i do. well maybe the pure existence of me is a contradiction.
sorry. im not.
Thursday, July 13, 2006
8:57 PM
there is no miracle.
i guess it's just that i cant put it down whenever i help, listen, laugh, suggest, discuss about who are the new people, it's just so, so hard for me to continue to smile, to laugh, to hide. too hard much too hard
yes i will, i will be strong. i have to. i must.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
11:50 PM
what more can i say when all've been said, told, forbidden
thankyou bernard choonyen weiguo anna charlene, everyone single person, who spoke, for the support and the trust, for simply fighting for me, for social, for council, and for finally realising the spark that's been long rooted in our hearts. everything.
i guess that's all i can say. goodbye is always the most difficult thing to utter. i hope i dont have to, but the truth is yes. sometimes it seems like a nightmare being so untrue and unbelievable, that i want to wake up, get back to the reality where i belonged; and then i realise that this is the reality. reality, is the nightmare.
i wish i can. i wish.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
11:58 PM
"i'm not giving up till i've heard the final say.
& i hope you'll know that i've never given up on you too. though the future seems rather bleak & no one seems to give a damn about our Cause anymore, i hope with all my heart that you'll be able to stay& tide the storms that lay ahead the way we did before.
i guess youve never heard me say that you mean alot to me, especially in this contextbut nowits just so obvious that youve always been the support for me in Social, the one i could count on, the one who still bothered who still cared when everyone else seemed so listless& loveless for Social.
I still love my Social. very, very much. the times ahead may be tough, and the future may be uncertain and daunting, even. but everytime i think about the Social that was, the Social that i'd first stepped into, the Social that i'd loved so much ever since, i know we'll be able to make it thru. even if it means crying a million times behind closed doors, even if it means frustration and endless bantering with the irritating People Up There, i know it'll all be worth it.
anyone outside Social reading this will think i'm being ridiculous, will wonder why i'm feeling so much for a mere committee and expressing so much love for something that seems so routine, so boring, so meaningless. no one outside the Social will be able to comprehend why i'm willing to do so much for a cause that seems so meaningless, and so oppressed.
but its okay, you dont have to.
i dont wanna start reminiscing again; it'll only make me all nostalgic& tempted to explode in torrents.
but i hope that you'll know; i promise that bernard&i will do whatever it takes. and no matter what the outcome is i hope you'll know thatin our hearts,
you'll never be replaced."
that's enough really really
thank you fong thank you really really loads this meant everything to me thank you.
Friday, July 07, 2006
7:50 PM
i guess it's just that i cant anymore, they cant anymore we arent anymore
hate me for feeling this way i've been the one, the contradiction who reliefs at the taking off of the burden sighs in content laughs with everyone
and today looking at the faces of them and i realise that how much, how much love that i've already put in there how much love, that's too late, too hard, too pain to withdraw
and suddenly in my laughter i felt that tear and which i hid hid because it might be the last time that im laughing with them and the laughter suddenly became so hard, just so, so hard.
hate me for doing this it's always parting that makes me treasure separation that makes me tear losing that makes me realise how much i've loved it's been like that with 2b, and now it's you, you all.
im fine im really really fine if time were to go back, i think i'll treasure every moment with you all not scolding szekiat for being bochap, qinhui for laming, guansen for nagging, bernard for suaning, choonyen for scolding, janice for hecking. everything, every and every little things. but there's not there is no going back
i dont know what's more in my life that's for me to do now it crashed down so real, so hard when i listened to you telling me what to do and what not to when im not around anymore when they need me but i cant do anything anymore when all i can do is to look at them and look, that's all take away the focus, the meaning, the central of everything
dont worry for me im fine it's my responsibility and it's my love
thankyou bernard, choonyen, weiguo for simply trusting believing advising and helping for just being there thank you
so here sits me wiping away every tear that flows from within trying, forgetting, hoping, wishing loving.
dont lose dont lose anything anymore. love on, you still can.
Sunday, July 02, 2006
4:12 PM
sometimes i hope that i havent. there's no point. i keep struggling within myself, made too many vows, died too many times, so much pain, that i just want to stop now.
i hate going shopping with mommy she just shop for herself only lo while me& sis& dad stare at her until we wanna die and guess what she told me 'i feel very bad cos i made u all wait. and i couldnt shop properly also. have to shop in a hurry.' can you believe her?! she said that after like, shopping three bloody hours in one pathetic shop! what a hurry la huh
hai my brazil lost HOW CAN MY BRAZIL LOSE! D: stupid france stupid henry whatthehell RAH!
ohyayee, tomorrow is holiday again :D
Saturday, July 01, 2006
5:20 PM
new skin :D
12:02 AM
im forever changed because of who you are and what you've meant to me maybe no longer loving someone doesn't mean changing for him it's simply a way of showing that you're loving but no, i dont think it's correct budden again nothing can be judged under the line of right and wrong in this world called 'love' being cool, staying as who u are, leaving that space what a beautiful, and excellent excuse for that withdraw
im sorry but it's just, wrong. very very wrong. i think we are just not meant to be we both know that so let's put an end to this sourness why cant our friendship be just pure and innocent and filled with happiness only good friends will last forever and i want that for us really.
back to the pathetic school and continued my pathetic life homework so much left undone i realise when i lie to the teachers about my homework i can just do it without even blinking my eyes or feeling even a single sense of guilt this is not bad, it's horrible. like a, thanks for reminding me, o'levels is in a year and a half's time if i continue to progress at this rate rv shall have her first, erm, unwanted-by-all-the-schools-in-singapore-student :D
took over today and got my post! :D yes im sec two ic and the stupid lohcher-e keep saying what my squad will die a horrible death under me okie la actually not only him la others also got say fine. i, as the ic of rvnpsectwo07, shall promise that none of them will die at the end of my service and together with me, i have kokleong, angel and JOLIN coordi is xinyue, admin debbra (: heehee. quite happie about the post thing la except especially the JOLIN part
orh well long weekend ahead. happy youth day in advance! :D
